


The Line in the Sand

by fairytaleslayer



Series: Beau-Centric One Shots [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Yasha mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 12:12:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17787194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairytaleslayer/pseuds/fairytaleslayer
Summary: There's a line Beau won't cross. Not even for the Mighty Nein. She's pretty sure she just found it.





	The Line in the Sand

**Author's Note:**

> A 'what if' I couldn't get out of my head while I was thinking about which of the Mighty Nein I would most understand 'pulling a Scanlan' and leaving the party for a time. Beau was the only one who seems to have valid reasons right now, although I don't see Marisha ever doing this.

It was as the group discussed yet again the pros and cons of Fjord venturing into the last temple of U’katoa that Beau finally had had enough. She had tried to tell Fjord – both privately and with others of the Mighty Nein around – that she didn’t think it would be a good idea to get so close to freeing an eldritch being upon the world, but he merely replied in his charismatic way that he ‘just wanted to have a look around’.

“If you go in there, I’m not coming with you,” she said bluntly, interrupting Caleb’s diatribe of what old artifacts might be waiting for them down there.

“What? What do you mean Beau?” Jester asked, her voice and face immediately concerned.

Fuck, she’d been hoping to get through this without hurting Jester. “I mean Jess, that I won’t have a part in potentially destroying the world to sate some curiosity or for the promise of a little more power,” Beau said. A glare was sent at Caleb and Fjord in turn.

“Since when do you care about the world?” Nott asked. She’d been drinking again by the looks of it.

“Since I’ve been trying to keep you dimwits from getting yourselves killed or worse in the last year!” Beau yelled back. “And because I fucking live on it!” She took a breath. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t lose her patience, but they were making it difficult right about then. “Last time we went to one of these places you got what, Fjord? A baby spell on the level of what Jess and Duces can do when they’re completely drained of anything more powerful?” Fjord flinched at that, but Beau was so tired of trying to make them _see_. “And then you got yourself caught up in a power trip and ordered the cannoning of an already capsized ship that was no threat to us! Now you want to go to the last place holding an ancient creature of incredible power that was imprisoned by the _gods_ two fucking thousand years ago just to see? What, you getting another cantrip is worth the potential ruin of the world? No. No I don’t think so. Not on my fucking watch.” Her chest was heaving by the time she was done.

They’d _promised_. Both Fjord and Caleb had promised that they would watch each others’ backs. Not let anyone get too high and mighty. And at every possible moment, they turned away from that.

“Maybe we all just need to take a breather and discuss this again later in a more civilized manner,” Caduceus interjected in his calm way.

Beau shook her head vehemently. “No. I tried calm. I tried reason. I’ve tried every fucking thing I can think of but none of you are _listening_!”

Nott decided her two cents needed to be thrown in again. “Maybe if you weren’t always so awful at talking we would listen more.” Caleb tried to shush her, but Nott kept talking after she took another swig of booze. She hadn’t been this drunk in a while. “This is why we always let Fjord or Caleb or Ducey meet people. You’re not even nice to us.”

That was it. Beau rounded on her. “All of us would have been tried and fucking _executed_ on Darktow if I hadn’t convinced the Plank King that I was someone worth listening to!” she yelled. “If I hadn’t been so ‘awful at talking’, we wouldn’t have Yussa as an ally and guess what Nott? You’d still be a fucking goblin!” It was true. In exchange for one of the rarer items they’d come across, Yussa had recently True Polymorphed Nott back into her original halfling self. “I found the guy that saved your son from being taken like your husband was and guess what again, Nott? I thanked him and _paid_ him for his troubles. Fjord’s little pirating excursion could have ended up getting us all killed along with that crew we basically kidnapped and forced into becoming criminal-adjacent, but did anyone ever stop to care about _them_?”

Everyone was staring at her in stunned silence now. Beau had always thought that working behind the scenes and being the only one to know that she was doing good and making places better than she found them would have been enough for her – enough of a reward. But part of her ached at the thought that none of the rest of the Nein had ever even _tried_ to see her in a better light. She was still just the fuck up that they thought had to be kept on a leash – exactly like her parents.

“I never asked to be thanked, or to be the leader of the Mighty Nein like so many of you seem so eager to be or shove onto someone else. I never wanted there to _be_ a leader. I just wanted us to be a fucking family. Molly wanted that too. I wanted to be someone you guys relied on. Trusted.”

“We do rely on you, Beauregard,” Caleb spoke up for the first time.

Beau laughed bitterly. “Yeah. You rely on me to take the punches, the swings, the arrows. It’s great to have someone so willing to die for you, and you don’t even have to respect them to get them to do it.” She sighed heavily, the fight going out of her as the words she’d held in for months were finally set free. “You said once that we only get one family Fjord,” she continued, tired now more than anything. “I thought you were wrong. I thought I could prove to you that we could all make this work. But I guess not. Because what this has become? It’s not a family I want to be a part of.”

Her bag was already packed – had been for days. She just hadn’t worked up the courage to leave yet. Beau wished Yasha was there – she didn’t want to leave without the chance to say goodbye. Didn’t want to make Yasha wonder what had happened like she’d done all those months ago with the Happy Fun Ball. But Yasha was off on another errand for the Stormlord again. And Jester – Beau chanced a glance over at her best friend. The younger girl looked to be near tears and trying valiantly to hold them in.

Beau sighed and went over to hug her. The rest of the group watched silently, still thrown by all the grievances Beau had finally aired for all the world to see. “Where will you go?” Jester’s voice cracked in the middle and she swallowed thickly.

“Dairon sent me a letter a while back. She asked for my help behind the lines in Xhorhas.”

Jester’s tail wrapped around her wrist, as if she could prevent Beau from leaving if she just held on tight enough. “Please don’t go Beau,” she pleaded.

Beau’s heart ached, but she hardened her resolve. “I have to Jessie,” she whispered for the tiefling’s ears only. “There are things I need to do, and I can’t stay here when what they’re planning could ruin us. I have to warn Dairon. I care about her too. And my brother. And everyone else on this fucking stupid continent.” She hugged her and felt Jester’s strong arms squeeze tightly around her waist in return. “Remember that I like you best, and that none of this has to do with you,” she promised.

“I’ll come with you,” Jester whispered back fiercely. “I don’t care if they’re stupid heads about it. You _don’t_ fuck everything up.”

“No Jessie,” Beau denied immediately. “They need you here. They’re part of your family, with your mother. I just don’t think it can be mine.” She pressed a kiss to her forehead as Jester sniffled. “Just use Sending if you ever need me. I’ll come running,” she swore. She looked over at Caduceus, who was gazing back with a placid calm like he’d known this was coming. Maybe he had. Beau never really knew what Cad knew. “I’ll ask the Reserve if they know anything about your home.” He nodded his thanks. She turned to the rest of the Nein, who all seemed to be looking anywhere but at her. “If you guys are ever in Xhorhas, look me up,” she said half-heartedly.

Bag over one shoulder, bo in hand, and one last finger chucked under Jester’s chin, Beau turned back the way they had come. Maybe their paths would cross again in the future. Beau hoped so, even with her heart hurting at their lack of acceptance of her and all her faults.

If she were someone else, she’d have had better parting words. Like ‘May we meet again’, or to keep saying ‘Welcome to the Mighty Nein’. To not close themselves off. But she was just Beau. She would never be good with words, no matter how hard she tried to learn. She was Beau, and she had her staff, and her fists. And that would have to be enough for now.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm tired of no one besides Caduceus and Jester ever recognizing just how hard Beau TRIES. It's always a 'Yes, but -' with the others and in 2019 we stan giving girls support gosh darn it.


End file.
